after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
