Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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