im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
