out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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