Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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