I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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