I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize