Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
