Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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