After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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