Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I died a long time ago.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How many fucks given?
0.12846
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
