i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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