I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize