I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
home. puking in laundry basket.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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