Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
