Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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