You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
