If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
