Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
this hospital has no fireball
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
