I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize