Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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