I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
