Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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