Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
