Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
