jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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