you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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