It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
