I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
