Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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