Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
