after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
