My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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