So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
