Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize