i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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