There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had to cum in my sink.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
