And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
