I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
