On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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