I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
