I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
