Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
