i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My bed smells like the plague
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
