I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my phone needs a breathalizer
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
