I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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