you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
