I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
