So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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