I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
