i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
