i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There's even glitter on my cock...
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