at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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