saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
