oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This baby is an asshole
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
