This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
