its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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