It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
