I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
