i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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