Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
