omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
