Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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