He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
