Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
