You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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