we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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