Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
