i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
