dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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