I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i need some magic done to my vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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