Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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