I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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