my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
