hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
