My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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