Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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