I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
