I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
