Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
