So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
