Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
