this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
