I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
