I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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