you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
