Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just cropdusted the office
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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