my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
