sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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