i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
