College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
