Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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