@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
