and i looked up. we had an audience...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
