is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
