you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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