I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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