I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
